The First Suicide Note

Who I Am

Who I Know

Where I've Been

Suicide Baby, I Love You

Miscellaneous Spewage

cscm@toast.net

Chris Thomas, a British psychiatrist, in his article "First Suicide Note?", diagnoses the writer of the work as "severely psychotically depressed... with feelings of persecution and self-depreciation." He concludes that the man "undoubtedly shows strong suicidal tendencies."

The note takes the form of a narrative and four poems. The narrative is concerned with the same sort of serious decision-making which is mentioned above. The author engages in a theoretical discussion with his soul on the possible consequences of suicide if his reasons for committing the act are not morally valid. He knows his soul, his death-self, will have to endure the neglect of his family for eternity if he chooses wrong.

The narrative is incomplete and sometimes confusing, but the discussion seems to go as follows: The man, finding himself without possessions, friends, or honor, decides to end his suffering through self-immolation. His soul agrees, but declines to remain with the man through the experience, claiming it faces dim prospects in the afterlife if it stays. The man says that the gods will vouch for him and that they will see that the soul is looked after. His soul says that the man must think pretty highly of himself if he believes the gods would even notice such a wretch. The man says that if his soul will only stand by him, he will guarantee the soul's happiness. (The expedient by which he expects to accomplish this is unfortunately unintelligible to the translator). He then offers this idea: "Be so kind, my soul and my brother, and become mine heir, who shall make offering and stand upon my tomb on the day of burial, that he may prepare the funeral bed," meaning that in the absence of survivors to see to the welfare of the dead, the soul should take on that duty. The soul replies that this idea is ridiculous, and that in any case, even the people who build and maintain the tombs must die someday, and then who will there be to see to the needs of the dead? Instead, he says, forget these ideas of suicide; "Follow the glad day and forget care."

The man answers his soul with four poems which, rather than presenting a logical argument, instead attempt to move the listener emotionally.

The first poem contains eight similar three-line verses. In it the man tells how wretched and unwanted he feels. Because of holes in the translation and redundancy in the verses I have excerpted a representative pair:

"Lo, my name is abhorred,
Lo, more than the odor of carrion
On days in summer, when the sky is hot.

Lo, my name is abhorred,
Lo, more than that of a wife
When lies are told against her to her husband."

The next poem consists of 16 three-verse lines. In it the man says he feels he has no one to turn to, and that the land and all humankind seem to be filled with evil. Again, I have excerpted representative verses:

"To whom do I speak today?
Men are covetous,
Every one seizeth his neighbor's goods.

To whom do I speak today?
He that hath a contented countenance is bad,
Good is disregarded in every place.

To whom do I speak today?
Brothers are evil,
A man is treated as an enemy in spite of a right disposition.

To whom do I speak today?
I am laden with misery,
And lack a trusty friend.

To whom do I speak today?
The sin that smiteth the land,
It hath no end."

In the third poem the author equates death variously with a cure from sickness, rest from the toil of work (rowing), the satisfaction of a full stomach in pleasant surroundings, the peace and familiarity of home, the attainment of knowledge, and freedom:

"Death is before me today
As when a sick man becometh whole,
As when one walketh abroad after sickness.

Death is before me today
As the odor of myrrh,
As when one sitteth under the sail on a windy day.

Death is before me today
As the odor of lotus flowers,
As when one feasteth on the cool river bank.

Death is before me today
As a well-trodden path,
As when a man returneth from the war unto his house.

Death is before me today
As a clearing of the sky,
As a man [educated] to that which he knew not.

Death is before me today
As when a man longeth to see his house again,
After he hath spent many years in captivity."

In the last poem, the man speaks of the advantages he expects to enjoy in death. He will be like a god, able to take revenge on those who have wronged him, standing in a place of honor, possessing great knowledge, and having the ear of Re the Creator:

"He that is yonder will be
One that [is] as a living god,
And will inflict punishment for sin on him that doeth it.

He that is yonder will be
One that standeth in the sun's ship,
And will therein assign the choicest things unto the temples.

He that is yonder will be
A man of knowledge, and he is not hindered,
And he petitioneth Re when he speaketh."

But his soul has the last word:

"Cast aside lamentation, my brother.... I will abide here, if thou rejectest the West [death]. But when thou reachest the West, and thy body is united with the earth, then I will alight after that thou restest. Let us have an abode together."

In other words, spare yourself your life and I promise to stand by you. And when your natural end does finally come, we will have a place together in death.

Erman, Adolf. The Ancient Egyptians: A Sourcebook Of Their Writings. Translated by Ayward M. Blackman. New York: Harper & Row, 1966.

Evans & Farberow. The Encyclopedia Of Suicide. New York: Facts On File, 1988.

Flanders, Stephen A. Suicide. New York: Facts On File, 1991.

Hankoff & Einsidler (eds). Suicide: Theory & Clinical Aspects. Littleton, MA: PSG Publishing Co. Inc., 1979.

Thomas, Chris. "First Suicide Note?" British Medical Journal, July 26, 1980.

World Book Encyclopedia. Chicago: Field Enterprises Educational Corp., 1974.

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